Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I Accidentally Stole a Watermelon

I know what you're thinking. "How can you accidentally steal a watermelon?!" Well, I'll tell you in a minute. My husband asked the same question when I sent him a message last week asking him to go by the grocery store and pay for it. He e-mailed our family the conversation he thought he would have with the manager. Our family thought this was hilarious so, against my better judgement, I've reproduced this hypothetical conversation below. I hope it brings you a chuckle.

Hubby: My wife accidentally stole a watermelon from your store this morning.
Manager: Oh yeah? How did that happen?
Hubby: I have no idea. My wife told me to go pay for it.
Manager: So she can get out of jail?
Hubby: I don't think so.
Manager: We don't have a way to ring that up.
Hubby: Silence.
Manager: How much was it?
Hubby: I have no idea.
Manager: What was the bar code?
Hubby: You've got to be kidding!
Manager: What kind of melon was it?
Hubby: I have no idea.
Manager: Are you sure she "accidentally" stole just one?
Hubby: She only mentioned one.
Manager: I guess she got it from the box outside?
Hubby: I don't think that would be an accident.
Manager: I don’t think so either.
Hubby: So how do you want to do this?
Manager: I have no idea!

So this is what happened...
After an hour at the library and an hour at WalMart (where I had to park half a mile from the store in 98-degree weather) with two kids, I stopped at Krogers. I was pushing one of those buggies with the car on the front. The kids were "driving" and honking at the other customers. I put the watermelon under the buggy to leave room in the buggy for shopping bags (save the planet!), strawberries, cherries, lettuce, bananas, onions, tofu, brisket, chicken, cheese, 3 gallons of milk, and eggs. After unloading (what I thought was all) my groceries onto the conveyor belt, making sure there were still two kids in the "car," and handing over my loyalty card so as not to be overcharged $30, I began sacking my groceries. (I was excited to do this because it meant there was no way the brisket was gonna end up on top of the bananas.) I ran my credit card through the machine, signed the electronic dotted line, and went outside to load stuff in the car. I got half the groceries unpacked when I saw that @%#*$% watermelon. No way was I gonna leave the groceries (including the butter and chocolate I had gotten at WalMart) and take two kids BACK into Krogers to pay for a $7 watermelon.

My sweet hubby did swing by Krogers and pay for the watermelon :)


  1. That's hilarious! I once stole a stroller but it wasn't all my fault. The guy didn't ring it up at HEB & it was midnight. We were talking about some funny movie. I ignorantly swiped my card without even looking at the total. Poor judgment b/c he could have charged me for 3 strollers & I wouldn't have noticed. Got all the way home the next day, looked at my receipt to find that he had not charged me for it. Returned to the store to pay for it & they could not locate the only other one that was on clearance with the only tag available. Needless to say, the manager said, "I don't know what to tell you. I can't make you pay for something without a price." I even offered to pay him the amt that the tag had said but he refused. Told me to have a good day & good luck with my baby.

  2. It's funny how cashiers seem unable to do anything without a barcode.

  3. That's awesome. I totally relate to not going back in and to accidentally stealing. I got hime with a tiny bag of pepper one day. I assume someone in front of me made the purchase and left it behind. Alas, I didn't need pepper and it was bagged by itself so I assume it was paid for - I didn't return it but now I worry if the customer went back for it and what happened while they explained it to the manager :-)