Like Mother, Like Daughter

Olivia may not look much like me, but she is definitely my child. Sometimes she says things and I feel like I'm listening to myself. I've noticed we both use "otherwise" quite a bit. Olivia also breastfeeds her baby doll. The doll sleeps in Olivia's bed or in a crib nearby. She also has a sling to carry her baby.

She sees lots of candy and cereal at the store that she wants me to buy. Sometimes it's something I don't mind getting, but more often than not I have to tell her "that has lots of artificial flavors and colors in it." The other day I heard her ask my parents if their bread had articifial flavors and colors in it. I couldn't help laughing!

We had to replace our shower recently because it was leaking. My husband took the pieces of the old one outside and was wondering what to do with them. Olivia told him he should recycle them.

Like me (and her daddy), Olivia loves books. For the past couple of years we've been going to the library almost every week and checking out around 8 to 15 books. Saturday I checked out about a dozen for her. We returned close to half of them this evening because we'd already read them several times (in just 3 days!). I remember one day (a while ago) Olivia was supposed to be taking a nap. I went to check on her and she had fallen asleep in a pile of books. There were probably a dozen on her bed and on the floor. I went straight to the living room and told hubby she is definitely our child and sent him to have a look. Then I took a picture. I've got it around here somewhere...

For better or worse, kids are sponges that soak up our speech and behaviors. We would do well to remember this. I want my children to grow up thinking breastfeeding is normal. I want recycling to be second nature to them. I want them to love books and learning. I want them to be patient with and kind to others. It will be much easier to teach them these values (and others) if I practice them myself.

3 years, 18 months and counting!

In relation to Rachel's post on Monday, (and to toot our own horn ;) ) as of yesterday Isabelle and I have been nursing for 3 full years! Beautiful Blissful Birthday, Belle! <3 And in 2 more days, it'll be 18 months of nursing for Sebastian =)

I have loved (almost!) every moment of our nursing relationship and I look forward to many more years with each of them. Tandem nursing, especially, has been one of my most enjoyable nursing experiences. I love how they look into each others eyes, hold each others hands, and, yes, bicker over whose side is whose or straying hands! :P Every moment is unique and absolutely adorable. As for the "almost" above, I'm still not a big fan of the night wakings, hehe ;) Both Belle and Sebastian get up on average once a night still for a few moments. :)

Gynosaur.com has some cute little breastfeeding achievement buttons you can display on your blog, in a forum signature, etc. I use them and think they're super cute :)

15 Months and Counting

I attended my local La Leche League meeting the other night and the topic was weaning. It occurred to me that Jesse is almost 16 months old, the age at which Olivia was weaned. I would have nursed her longer if it hadn't been for some medical issues. When she was Jesse's age, she was sleeping through the night and didn't nurse too often during the day. I think she was only nursing before her nap and bedtime, so I didn't feel too bad about weaning her. First I cut out the before-nap nursing. I held her, hugged her, and kissed her, then put her to bed while Mr. Bear (her wind-up teddy) played "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." Sometimes I had to go back in the bedroom and wind him up again.

(I have to interject something here. One day trajedy struck - Mr. Bear died. I searched all over for another bear like him, but to no avail. I finally settled on a pink rabbit with a pull cord. Have they quit making them?)

After a week or two, I started working on the before-bed nursing. I enlisted my husband's help with this. He would put Olivia in bed and play his guitar. They both enjoyed it. After a couple of weeks with this routine, she would go to sleep with just the rabbit playing music.

Jesse still gets up at least twice each night to snack and loves to nurse during the day. I don't foresee weaning in our near future! If only he would sleep through the night...

Breast is Best

August is World Breastfeeding Month and August 1 - 7 was World Breastfeeding Week. In honor of WBW, Baby Blues compiled a selection of breastfeeding strips. If you haven't seen them, you should. They're hilarious!

I'm probably preaching to the choir, but I wanted to remind you why breastfeeding is best for mother and baby. I think most of us breastfeed because it's the natural thing to do - cradle a newborn in your arms and he'll look for a breast - but some people need a little more persuasion. If you or someone you know is straddling the fence on the breast/bottle decision, here are some things to keep in mind. Or if you're having one of those days when you're tempted to throw in the towel (baby's biting, you're tired of soggy nursing pads, etc.), remember that your baby nurses for a short time in the scope of his life. It'll be over all too soon.

Benefits for mother

• helps the uterus contract after birth to control postpartum bleeding
• helps mom lose weight
• lessens postpartum depression
• more rest than formula feeding moms because you can nurse while sleeping
• lower risk of Type 2 diabetes, breast cancer, uterine cancer, and ovarian cancer
• save thousands of dollars a year since you don't have to buy formula
• protects against osteoporosis and hip fracture later in life
• reduced risk of mortality for women with rheumatoid arthritis has been associated with total time of lactation
• breastfed babies are sick less, reducing healthcare costs in doctor office visits, prescriptions, over-the-counter medications, and hospitalizations
• breastfeeding is more convenient - the milk is always available, sterile, and the right temperature
• during times of disaster, you don't have to worry about finding formula

Benefits for baby

• antibodies in breast milk offer protection from germs, illness, and even SIDS
• lower risk for ear infections, stomach viruses, diarrhea, respiratory infections, asthma, diabetes, leukemia, necrotizing enterocolitis, and other diseases
• lower risk for childhood obesity
• reduced risk of chronic constipation, colic, and other stomach upsets
• breastfeeding promotes facial structure development, enhanced speech, and straighter teeth and reduces risk of tooth decay
• enhanced vision
• higher IQ's and improved brain and nervous system development
• reduced risk of heart disease later in life
• increased bone density
• are hospitalized 10 times less than formula fed infants in the first year of life

Benefits for the environment and society

• reduced cost of healthcare by promoting healthier children and mothers.
• reduced insurance premiums for both parents and employers
• reduced global pollution by decreasing the use of resources and energy required to produce, process, package, distribute, promote and dispose of materials created by the manufacture and use of artificial baby milk
• reduced tax burden on communities and government to ensure children are properly fed
• reduced absenteeism in the workplace due to children's illnesses

Find these and other benefits at the following sites. Or simply google "benefits of breastfeeding."

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/advantages.html

http://www.motheringfromtheheart.com/Benefits.htm

http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/benefits/

http://www.examiner.com/x-12080-Atlanta-StayatHome-Moms-Examiner~y2009m8d9-Info-101-Benefits-of-breastfeeding

http://www.nrdc.org/breastmilk/benefits.asp

http://www.promom.org/101/

Take the Time

A few weeks ago I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. My dental hygienist is expecting a baby this summer and, between her scraping and my spitting, we chatted about babies and how expensive they are. She knew my second baby was born at home (see my previous post) and said she supposed I had saved money by having a home birth. I told her that since my insurance doesn't cover home births, I had not saved any money, but it was worth every penny and any more children I have will be born at home.

At some point she said "Formula is so expensive, but what else can you do?" My answer was immediately "Breastfeed." Neither of my children have had a drop of formula. Breastfeeding has saved me LOTS of money (and breastmilk is ideal for infants). I also told her about our local La Leche League.

I was telling my husband about our conversation and he interjected "So did you convert her?" Trying not to smile, I asked "What do you mean?" He said "You know what I mean." I had to admit that, yes, I did mention cloth diapers. One of these days I'd like to calculate how much money I've saved by using cloth diapers. It's not just about the money, though. I feel good that I'm not throwing away a lot of paper and plastic and chemicals. Nor am I exposing my baby to the chemicals in disposable diapers.

You never know when you'll have the opportunity to expose someone to new ideas. Take the time to talk with people. You may be able to impart some knowledge and, if you'll listen, you may learn something yourself!

The Importance of the In-Arms Phase by Jean Liedloff

The Importance of the In-Arms Phase

by Jean Leidloff


In the two and a half years during which I lived among Stone Age Indians in the South American jungle (not all at once, but on five separate expeditions with a lot of time between them for reflection), I came to see that our human nature is not what we have been brought up to believe it is. Babies of the Yequana tribe, far from needing peace and quiet to go to sleep, snoozed blissfully whenever they were tired, while the men, women, or children carrying them danced, ran, walked, shouted, or paddled canoes. Toddlers played together without fighting or arguing, and they obeyed their elders instantly and willingly.

The notion of punishing a child had apparently never occurred to these people, nor did their behavior show anything that could truly be called permissiveness. No child would have dreamed of inconveniencing, interrupting, or being waited on by an adult. And by the age of four, children were contributing more to the work force in their family than they were costing others.

Babes in arms almost never cried and, fascinatingly, did not wave their arms, kick, arch their backs, or flex their hands and feet. They sat quietly in their slings or slept on someone’s hip - exploding the myth that babies need to flex to “exercise.” They also did not throw up unless extremely ill and did not suffer from colic. When startled during the first months of crawling and walking, they did not expect anyone to go to them but rather went on their own to their mother or other caretakers for the measure of reassurance needed before resuming their explorations. Without supervision, even the smallest tots rarely hurt themselves.

Is their “human nature” different from ours? Some people actually imagine that it is, but there is, of course, only one human species. What can we learn from the Yequana tribe?

Our Innate Expectations

Primarily, we can try to grasp fully the formative power of what I call the in-arms phase. It begins at birth and ends with the commencement of creeping, when the infant can depart and return at will to the caretaker’s knee. It consists, simply, of the infant having 24-hour contact with an adult or older child.

At first, I merely observed that this in-arms experience had an impressively salutary effect on the babies and that they were no “trouble” to manage. Their bodies were soft and conformed to any position convenient to their bearers - some of whom even dangled their babies down their backs while holding them by the wrist. I do not mean to recommend this position, but the fact that it is possible demonstrates the scope of what constitutes comfort for a baby. In contrast to this is the desperate discomfort of infants laid carefully in a crib or carriage, tenderly tucked in, and left to go rigid with the desire for the living body that is by nature their rightful place - a body belonging to someone who will “believe” their cries and relieve their craving with welcoming arms.

Why the incompetence in our society? From childhood on, we are taught not to believe in our instinctive knowledge. We are told that parents and teachers know best and that when our feelings do not concur with their ideas, we must be wrong. Conditioned to mistrust or utterly disbelieve our feelings, we are easily convinced not to believe the baby whose cries say “You should hold me!” “I should be next to your body!” “Don’t leave me!” Instead, we overrule our natural response and follow the going fashion dictated by babycare “experts.” The loss of faith in our innate expertise leaves us turning from one book to another as each successive fad fails.

It is important to understand who the real experts are. The second greatest babycare expert is within us, just as surely as it resides in every surviving species that, by definition, must know how to care for its young. The greatest expert of all is, of course, the baby - programmed by millions of years of evolution to signal his or her own kind by sound and action when care is incorrect. Evolution is a refining process that has honed our innate behavior with magnificent precision. The signal from the baby, the understanding of the signal by his or her people, the impulse to obey it - all are part of our species’ character.

The presumptuous intellect has shown itself to be ill-equipped to guess at the authentic requirements of human babies. The question is often: Should I pick up the baby when he or she cries? Or should I first let the baby cry for a while? Or should I let the baby cry so that this child know who is boss and will not become a “tyrant”?

No baby would agree to any of these impositions. Unanimously, they let us know by the clearest signals that they should not be put down at all. As this option has not been widely advocated in contemporary Western civilization, the relationship between parent and child has remained steadfastly adversarial. The game has been about how to get the baby to sleep in the crib, whether or not to oppose the baby’s cries has not been considered. Although Tine Thevenin’s book, The Family Bed, and others have gone some way to open the subject up of having children sleep with parents, the important principle has not been clearly addressed: to act against our nature as a species is inevitably to lose well-being.

Once we have grasped and accepted the principle of respecting our innate expectations, we will be able to discover precisely what those expectations are - in other words, what evolution has accustomed us to experience.

The Formative Role of the In-Arms Phase

How did I come to see the in-arms phase as crucial to a person’s development? First, I saw the relaxed and happy people in the forests of South America lugging around their babies and never putting them down. Little by little, I was able to see a connection between that simple fact and the quality of their lives. Later still, I have come to certain conclusions about how and why being in constant contact with the active caretaker is essential to the initial postnatal stage of development.

For one thing, it appears that the person carrying the baby (usually the mother in the first months, then often a four- to 12-year-old child who brings the baby back to the mother for feeding) is laying the foundation for later experience. The baby passively participates in the bearers running, walking, laughing, talking, working, and playing. The particular activities, the pace, the inflections of the language, the variety of sights, night and day, the range of temperatures, wetness and dryness, and the sounds of community life form a basis for the active participation that will begin at six or eight months of age with creeping, crawling, and then walking. A baby who has spent this time lying in a quiet crib or looking at the inside of a carriage, or at the sky, will have missed most of this essential experience.

Because of the child’s need to participate, it is also important that caretakers not just sit and gaze at the baby or continually ask what the baby wants, but lead active lives themselves. Occasionally one cannot resist giving a baby a flurry of kisses; however, a baby who is programmed to watch you living your busy life is confused and frustrated when you spend your time watching him living his. A baby who is in the business of absorbing what life is like as lived by you is thrown into confusion if you ask him to direct it.

The second essential function of the in-arms experience appears to have escaped the notice of everyone (including me, until the mid-1960s). It is to provide babies with a means of discharging their excess energy until they are able to do so themselves. In the months before being able to get around under their own power, babies accumulate energy from the absorption of food and sunshine. A baby therefore needs constant contact with the energy field of an active person, who can discharge the unused excess for each of them. This explains why the Yequana babies were so strangely relaxed - why they did not stiffen, kick, arch, or flex to relieve themselves of an uncomfortable accumulation of energy.

To provide the optimum in-arms experience, we have to discharge our own energy efficiently. One can very quickly calm a fussing baby by running or jumping with the child, or by dancing or doing whatever eliminates one’s own energy excess. A mother or father who must suddenly go out to get something need not say, “Here, you hold the baby. I’m going to run down to the shop.” The one doing the running can take the baby along for the ride. The more action, the better!

Babies - and adults - experience tension when the circulation of energy in their muscles is impeded. A baby seething with undischarged energy is asking for action: a leaping gallop around the living room or a swing from the child’s hands or feet. The baby’s energy field will immediately take advantage of an adult’s discharging one. Babies are not the fragile things we have been handling with kid gloves. In fact, a baby treated as fragile at this formative stage can be persuaded that he or she is fragile.

As parents, you can readily attain the mastery that comes with comprehension of energy flow. In the process you will discover many ways to help your baby retain the soft muscle tone of ancestral well-being and give your baby some of the calm and comfort an infant needs to feel at home in the world.

Copyright ©1991 by Jean Liedloff

Nursing in Public

Earlier I was trying to remember the last time I saw someone nursing in public (other than at a La Leche League meeting). It was March 2. I remember because we were at Dr. Seuss's birthday party at the Nacogdoches Public Library. Before that...I can't remember. I don't feel we should run away and hide to nourish our babies, nor do I think we should bare all. I've breastfed my babies at weddings, funerals, the library, WalMart, restaurants, school, church, the mall, picking peaches, garage sales, relatives' houses, friends' houses, anywhere we happen to be. It can be done discreetly. Here are some ideas to help you.

* Nursing covers are available from several sources. I haven't tried these. One reason is that I don't think Jesse would tolerate it. You could just use a receiving blanket.

* A plain ol' t-shirt works great. Pull it up enough to allow you to get the baby latched on and you won't show much skin.

* A nursing tank underneath a button-up shirt is a nice combination. You can use the button-up shirt to cover what the baby doesn't. It doesn't even have to be a nursing tank. You could use a regular tank and pull it down or up for access.

* Nursing tops are also available from several sources. I would not recommend the kind with two layers. By the time I get the layers separated and Jesse hits his target, he could've been halfway finished if I'd just pulled up my shirt.

* When wearing just a button-up shirt, try lifting it from the bottom (you may need to unbutton a few bottom buttons) instead of unbuttoning the top. It's easier to stay covered, especially if your baby gets distracted and pulls away quickly.

* Wear your baby while you breastfeed. Mei tais, wraps, ring slings, and pouch slings let you feed your baby while you wear him. Usually the baby carrier helps you stay covered.

Three's Company

Before either of my children were born, I knew I would breastfeed them. I didn't know they'd spend more time in my bed than their own. Nor did I realize how much I would enjoy it.

I can't remember whether I was familiar with the term "cosleeping" during my first pregnancy. It was just something that happened as a matter of survival. Our bedroom is large enough to accommodate a crib, so it made sense to set it up there instead of in one of the other rooms on the opposite end of the house. After a few nights of getting up every two hours to nurse Olivia (and falling asleep in the rocking chair), I decided to bring her to bed with me. Ahhh! Sleep! I only had to wake up enough to get her latched on or to swap places so she could nurse on the other side.

Ditto for Jesse (except he moved to my bed even earlier). My husband isn't crazy about the arrangement, but he'd rather not have a zombie for a wife. He hasn't lost as much sleep, either. There have been many times he didn't even realize Jesse woke up during the night because I got him latched on when he started squirming, instead of when he started crying.

Sometimes I, too, yearn to have our bed back to ourselves. But I love snuggling with Jesse (especially when it's cold). I love to stroke his downy head, feel his little legs curled up against my belly, and wake up with him babbling in my ear. They grow up so fast that I don't mind sharing our bed for such a relatively short time.

To Wean or Not to Wean

My daughter is almost 8 months old and we're already getting asked when we're going to stop nursing. Not only do I find this slightly offensive as most people wouldn't ask the mom of an 8 month old formula baby when they're going to stop giving them a bottle, but since I'm already counting down the days to when I can wean...well it makes me feel like a bad mom that I want to wean her, but I get my gander up when someone asks me that and makes me want to nurse her until she's 5.

I love nursing my children. I love that I provide their nourishment and I contribute to their mental well being because they know that they can count on me when they cry and need comforting. I love that they prefer me to anyone else and I think a lot of that is the fact that I nurse. I love that all three of my children would not take a bottle and two of them wouldn't/won't take a pacifier. Yes, not taking a paci is a little hard on us, but I love that I'm their number one comfort measure. I love the look of their little baby hands on my breast. I love looking into their eyes and I love seeing their eyes close as they fall asleep from nursing. I love the booby milk drunk look. You know the look I'm talking about!

I don't love my grandmotherly nursing bras. Yes, they have sexy ones, but I can't justify the cost of them. I don't love having to wear nursing pads all the time because sometimes they wrinkle or get pointy and make my breasts look funny in my shirts. I don't like leaking all over the place. I am embarrassed that one breast is significantly bigger than my other because my baby has a favorite side. No matter how often I nurse her on the smaller one, it just won't get bigger to match her favorite! I don't like that I forget to weigh myself after I nurse and my weight can fluctuate 4 lbs up or down depending on if I remembered to empty my breasts before stepping on the dreaded scale.

There are several more pros to cons when it comes to nursing my children. The cost comparison, the bond, the health benefits...I could go on and on about the benefits of breastfeeding your infants. But the honest truth for me is that I don't like being touched and having a person hanging off my breast for several hours every day for at least a year sometimes makes me cry. I am in bliss the first few months...then acceptance the next few months...and then the fidgets come on. I am starting to get those fidgets. I cannot wait for her to finish eating. I just would like to not be touched on a very sensitive part of my body for a few hours. My baby hits 9 or 10 months and I literally have to sit on my hands so I don't take them off before they're done eating because I get so overwhelmed with the sensory overload. They start to want to play and giggle and touch things and pull hair and crawl around...all while they're nursing. So I start to count down the months, weeks, and days until their first birthday and I can feel like I did my duty and can then take it day by day as to whether we will continue to nurse. I see these moms that nurse until their children are two or even older and I'm so jealous and proud of them! How wonderful for both of them that they still nurse! I hope everyday that I can make it that long. I want to make it that long, but the longest I've done is 13 1/2 months. I think I could have done longer if I wasn't pregnant again and sensitive, but I couldn't handle the touch overload. I want to just make it to her 2 year birthday. I would be so proud of myself if I nursed her that long. So, until then keep your fingers crossed for me that I can make it to 13 months and then 18 and then 24 months. And be proud of yourselves for everyday that you nursed your baby. Even if it's only for a few days. Every day of nursing is a gift to you and your baby and every drop is precious.

My Cup Runneth Over

If you’ve ever breastfed, you know what I mean. More likely than not, you've experienced an increase in cup size (going up one, two, or even three sizes is not unusual). I’m also talking about milk production, though. While most of us have enough milk for our babies, I could feed twins. Both of my babies have gotten choked by my letdown on more than one occasion. Nursing pads are not an option for me; they’re a fact of life. I go through at least two pairs a day. Quick math lesson: two pairs a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year…that’s over 700 nursing pads! And I don’t plan on weaning on Baby’s first birthday. I was so glad when I discovered reusable nursing pads. I can save money while I save the planet. I love cloth nursing pads. Except on the rare occasion when they migrate. Or when my little nursling decides they’d make a fabulous toy.

But don't get me wrong - just because your baby doesn't get a milk bath at every feeding doesn't mean you're not producing enough milk. If you're concerned, call your local La Leche League or check out the following sites. You'll find signs your baby is getting enough breast milk and lists of lactogenic foods and herbs.

La Leche League
Kellymom
BreastFeeding.com
MOBI Motherhood International
Breastfeeding Basics
Lactogenic Foods

So whether it's feast or famine at Mom’s Breastaurant, keep on nursing!

Jaws

No, I’m not talking about the movie. I’m talking about something even scarier. The First Tooth. My little one cut his first tooth the other day. This is a milestone that ends some nursing relationships. Imagine putting your little finger in the mouth of a piranha. Doesn’t sound too good, does it? Neither does nursing a teething baby with a voracious appetite. Actually, a baby doesn’t even have to have teeth to “bite.” And it still hurts! Many a mother has found that pulling Baby into the breast causes him to unhinge his deathgrip because Baby has difficulty breathing with a nose full of flesh. Most infants learn fairly quickly that chomping on Mama isn’t a great idea. (Screaming “Owww!” is no less effective, but is probably not a recommended method of deterrence.)

While I don’t relish having razor-sharp teeth sinking into a sensitive part of my anatomy, I think the worst thing about the first tooth is the end of that adorable toothless smile. Never again will I see that precious gummy grin. Now there’s a little incisor playing peek-a-boo. Go ahead. Try to take a picture of it and you’ll see what I mean. Shortly after the first tooth comes the second tooth. The next thing you know Baby has a whole mouth full of pearly whites. And he’s still just as cute as he always was.